How would you know your Self if you were free?

The following is from a one on one satsang that I wanted to share with you, I am in italics

Your task is not to seek for love...

Feeling shame and guilt. I tried to read about not being the doer. But still I feel shame. It feels so strong. I’m so afraid of anyone finding out I am a bad person.

You are the Self, peace and happiness itself.
As long as there is a person believing her thoughts as her, it will always be there. That’s the hold of the ego. First action then regret, the story I can not erase. I am an evil person.

The ‘I thought’, ego, maya, All the hallucination.
It’s got you, and you believe you are unforgivable.

I can’t forgive myself.

The only way to get to that is to meet it, feel it. We could talk about it for hours and it’s way beyond words. The idea of the badness of it that’s what you have to touch. It’s meeting the presumed terribleness of action and the sin of omission.

Silence…

How do you feel in stillness, aware of sin?

I can feel my heart.

So it’s not locked away, it’s there.

I also feel sadness and fear of being found out I’m pretending to be good. I’m really bad. Covering it up.

According to ego, you have done the unforgivable and are locked into it,
This is the play of life.

Watch the pain, gently.

I feel despicable .

Can you just do nothing about that, but observe it, don’t try to stop it. Let it be there and open to it. Can you feel how you want to close off that badness?

Yes

Feel that tightness that’s trying to close and open it a little, let it breathe. Let your breathe touch it.

My mind is thinking. I am avoiding it. This is resistance .

Is that allowed?

No, I have to do it right and fast .

Can you feel hatred for yourself?

Oh yes. I hate that I did that. Hate that I might be found out, wanting to cover, change the facts to deny. So much shame. The worst thing I’ve ever done.

Let’s imagine that you are totally the Self, you are Free, which is true. What does that mean to you? How would you know your Self if you were free?

Spaciousness, no story.

Do you feel more of that?

Yes

How does spaciousness feel about the sin of omission and fear of exposure?

Nothing.

No opinion?

Nothing.

Silence…

Here is experience of you in Truth of who you are and you before that, keeping the ego as king, god itself. Where is your mind now?

I don’t have a mind.

Are you sure?

I’m sure.

Yes. Empty, but thought that I’m not getting it enough.

What are thoughts trying to make you believe?

That it’s all going to come back.

That’s the ego saying come back. come back to your senses. Do not stay in peace and emptiness, stay as a sinner. What comes from mind is deluded, it craves resolution and forbids it. Can you see that?

How do you feel physically.

Good

Open

Yes

Breathe into the openness.

I’m thinking I’m making you work too hard.

Thank you, what else can I do

How are you doing now?

Really good.

Deeper?

Yes, random thoughts, nothing catching me.

Let’s go even deeper. Deeper and quieter.

Silence…

Anybody home?

No, no one home.

Empty State

So go into your heart, see what’s going on there. No problem. Even if I say the person did what she did, does the spaciousness accept that?

Everything feels same. There isn’t any separate heart. Everything feels spacious, peaceful. No problem.

Very good.

Freedom

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