Following is an email exchange between Stuart and a seeker who contacted Stuart via email

Hi Stuart,

I met you Saturday at Satsang.

I never do this, but I feel compelled to ask you something, to actually follow up with a question. You seem grounded to me, tough enough to answer me straight so that I can ask you this.

I have been a spiritual seeker since the beginning of this life. I've also been quite angry at god. From the very beginning of my consciousness. I cannot forgive his (the) apparent cruelty of life, of separation and the agony it causes the individual beings (yes, yes, yes, I know that it's just projected, that ultimately we are one...but crap, I'm concerned with the reality of individualized emotions, because that is real to me). I do identify with the self... I know that is not the real me, but that is where my identity is. And from this perspective, God sucks. The perfection that is...bites. I have been angry at God since the beginning of memory. I have seen horrible cruelty dealt to animals around me (and yes, they do suffer and we do suffer) and to humans, that I can't accept the concept of perfection when pain is so real to the identified consciousness. Yes, I know, intellectually, that the separate individual cannot really exist, I know that my suffering is ultimately unreal, a dream, but that knowledge doesn't help...at all - I hate that it seems real to others or to me. I know that ultimately, it is a dream, but emotionally I'm so angry at my awareness and memory of violence and cruelty that I can't forgive life. It is a horrible joke to play on innocent personalized self-manifestations of Self. I can't stand that perfection contains and condones violence to innocent players...(yes, I mean innocent, all of nature feels innocent).

I know that this kind of reaction won't make you barf...you may chuckle, you recognize the pattern; but I sense that you might respond to this. I am sincere. It is an obstacle to me... And yes, I'm writing from the identified self, because that is where the obstacle is. I don't want a "beautiful, all is love answer, or it doesn't matter from the "big picture" no one exists so no one was actually affected ...or my favorite line, "Who wants to know?" I get advaita, but I hate it. I just can't stand that Love can bring in such black drama...

You, as a parent, or a responsible being, would never knowingly subject those that depend on you to the type of cruelty that this life does...again and again and again...

I know intellectually that there is no "where" or "why" and that the only appropriate answer is a chuckle or a sigh, or a , she'll eventually see the light, or she won't, no matter...but perhaps there is an angle that you've seen that you can tell me about...or a gut reaction that might make sense of this anger to me...

At the very least, I trusted enough to express this.

Sincerely,

<name withheld>

Response from Stuart:

Hello,

There is no answer that I can give your mind that it will accept. Everyone has an issue that places their personal will against God's will. You could say it is the cross one has to bear, that which can not be accepted no matter what one knows and what one believes about universal love.

That said, I will share with you my take on the issue.

God is a concept created by people.  Consciousness is self contained. It knows nothing else. The world is not in it. When we enter consciousness, all concepts, even self identity, disappears, and it interpenetrates this -- whatever your want to call it -- and makes itself known as us. We reverse from knowing ourselves as a body/mind and eventually, we know ourselves as being Pure Conscious having a form to interact in the crazy beautiful story.

This world as we know it is made up of our beliefs, desires, and concepts, and no one can ever convince one otherwise when your mind is operating, ever. As long as you hate the wrong you are justified in having the rage. Ego is brilliant in keeping control. If you see that and are willing to get off your position, even for a moment, you have surrendered and there is a possibility of a different picture out there for you to see.

Eventually you become aware that what you see of the world is what your mind is holding. That becomes your experience; you have become the power and the world can not fool you anymore.

In the love of truth,

Stuart